When I Met You :)

"You gave me a reason for my being

And I love what I'm feelin'

You gave me a meaning to my life

Yes, I've gone beyond existing

 And it all began when I met you."

                             

                                 Everytime I heard that song,it always takes me back to the time where I feel so lonely. Full of heartaches and dismay. Let me take you back Oct. 2005 ..... 

                               Back in my hometown ( Maasin ), my friends and I were into online chatting. Me at that time wasn't really serious about it at first. I spent most of my time playing games online rather than finding for love. Hehehe I was thinking, online chatting and long distance relationship wasn't really for me. Until ..... 

a friend of mine told me about this decent online dating site where it's pure legit. No bad pics or nasty people that would ask you to show them your body or stuff like that. Men can block women if they would try to ask money from the foreigners that they're chatting with same as women can block men if they're acting,say or make us do nasty things to them. So,I was like it won't hurt to try,you know. Then,there's this guy,supposed to be from California,single dad to his really cute daughter,send interests to me. Let's just call him "Fart-head" hahaha. Being my first time regarding that matter, I respond to his messages and from then on,we started chatting. It was pure excitement! Then I asked myself and God, "Is he the one for me or just one of those passers in my life?" And that question was answered almost a month after I met this man online ( approx. 3 weeks ) I was able to see,mentally and emotionally what kind of man he is and can be. 

                             Few details on what really happened. We agreed that we will close our account on dating site because we think we're the one "meant" for each other. Since I was really not familiar yet of how to do that, he volunteered that he'll do it for me. Two days later, the curious person in me, went back and check if he really did close my account. The not-so-genius in me,I didn't know that he can actually tell that I checked my account. When I check,there was a notification that it was being closed or something like that,so I was like "he really did close my account and was really sincere about having a relationship with me". I was actually happy! But,on his side,he got a notification that I attempted to open the account! His reaction?! He was soooooooooo mad! While on my side,I didn't know anything about it! Next thing I knew, he sent me email and call me "Liar!" "Whore! "Bitch!" and more! And I was like, "What?!" I actually thought that the email wasn't really for me and the he just made a mistake by sending it to me. So,I responded him back and told him about the email. Then his response was, "No,that email is really for you. Because you're that kind of person.!" Then I was like, "What did I do?!". Then he told me what he found out! That I attempted to open my dating site account. I explained to him my side of story,but he was too deaf and too dumb and I guess to mad to even listen to open his mind about it. He shut me off! Talking about a very judgemental person! Pppfffttt! 

                                     That same night,I cried! But I didn't cry because I lost a "chatmate" hehehe I cried because I was hurt! I cried because I was judged! I cried because I felt like my feelings betrayed me again. I cried because my dream of finding real love has yet,another disappointment. But then I talked to my friend, God :)  I told HIM, "Was that it? It doesn't seems like a got the hang of it. I need you to let that "Fart-head" guy to chat with me again. I need you to do that for me cause I think, "he's the one for me". Please God! Please!"  Almost two weeks later (about mid Nov.),still haven't heard from "Fart-head". I talked to God and said, "Ok I got it. He's not for me,right? I know I became too excited about "Fart-head" and already think that he's the right one. I know you have someone better for me,Lord. Everytime YOU let me down on what I thought I needed, YOU always gave me something way better than I expected. I know YOU! YOU like to play surprises on me!" ( FYI: That's how I really talk to God. HE's a friend! ) 

                                        It was the last week of Nov. 2005! I was scrolling down on some profile of men that are looking for love too. Then,I stopped to this particular profile which really caught my attention. Not his profile pic cause he didn't put any. It was his complete profile on to "how you describe yourself" and "what are you looking for in a woman" I was like, OMG! I fit the description cause I am that "person" that he's been looking for! And he fits the description because he's that man I've been looking for! After reading all about him, I found out that he's divorced,with 3 kids and worked as a Maintenance Mechanic. For a woman that's looking for a man that could sustain her financially,that's only after for the money... this guy won't even pass to her ambitious taste! But for someone like me that's looking for someone to love and love me back,someone that's looking for a real relationship.. then this guy is for me! Right that moment,I didn't waste my time! I sent him interest first! Yup! Me first! 

                                    Thank God,he respond to my "interests"! Hahaha He said that he's not good in typing and that he need to get used to it. Then I told him not to worry because I am a patient person ;) We chat and chat and chat everyday! I talked to God again, "YOU know what? YOU're really good at giving me surprises. YOU always look out for me. This feeling I have for this "new guy", is real! I mean, I can feel it! I know in my heart that he feels the same way for me. Please Lord, stand by me." 

                                            Dec. 10,2005! He sent me an email that was different from the exchange emails that we send to each other. http://www.passionup.com/fun/fun5269.htm?e=ladylizort%40yahoo%2ecom&f=optionman31601%40yahoo%2ecom&cfp=1&h=ee38bce178ca17b2&mp=1&confirm=1  I was like... Oh Gosh! I was speechless! I don't know what to say because I was so overwhelmed! Then sent me another one the next day! http://www.passionup.com/fun/fun100.htm?e=ladylizort%40yahoo%2ecom&f=optionman31601%40yahoo%2ecom&cfp=1&h=27ec3a80f636d778&mp=1&confirm=1  I was so full of love to give!!!! Hahahaha Then I was like... That's it! No doubt,he's the one! :) I have never been that excited before to open my email! I'm always looking forward to his email everyday! Love! Love! Love! 

                                           Fast forward! Present day! Sept. 30, 2013. It's been 7 yrs. and 9 months since the day we call ourselves "exclusively together" but it's been 7 yrs. and 4 months since we made our vows in front of our Lord and our Church. We now have 2 beautiful girls and I am now residing with him here in US for 5 yrs now. Where are my manners?! Hehehe His name is Paul ;) Here, are my family! 

 

                                         

                                              

                                        Lesson learn: Never underestimate the power of Love! Never underestimate the works of God. Never underestimate HIS power to do and make things possible! If you have this: FAITH ,then you'll be in good hands :) God Bless!!

Dream! Dream Big!

                        They said,when you dream,dream big! It won't cost you anything to dream of something,but making your dream to be realize is another story ;) What are my dreams? Aaahhhh,too many to enumerate! There's this,I want to be a singer,a dancer,an actress,a doctor,a model (ahahaha) and many more! Like I said,too many to mention! ;) I have those dreams when I was a kid! I love to sing,dance,act. My family would even let me act,sing and dance for entertainment purposes just for family,especially when there's a power outage,where only oil lamps or candles light up our house. No radio,no television. My grandma always asks me to sing or act. Aaaahhhh! Memories! I could still picture myself did this little declamation with acting "The 3 Little Kittens". That was one of their favorite for me to do! Then,there's this thing where they want me to sing "Killing Me Softly" by The Fugees,not Roberta Flack's version. I have always like RnB kinda thing hehehe.Singing and dancing has always been a part of my life and plus I was influenced by my parents who loves to sing! FYI: Please don't assume me of having a really golden voice,ok..Cause I only sing in the bathroom or in my closed door house! Hahaha 

                       Now,where is becoming to be doctor came from? Well,every or most kids like to play doctor games,right? That was my first influenced of wanting to be a doctor. Then, later it became more like, "I really want to be a doctor cause I want to help and heal people when they're sick" I want it to be real,instead of just stuffed toys patients.

                         How about,wanting to become an actress? OMG! I love to act! I always used it when I was a kid! You want something? Act like you're crying and desperately wanting something! You didn't want something? Act like you're mad because you don't want/like it. Your mom forced you to eat something you don't want?Act like you're about to throw up so that she'll stop! It always work! See?! Hahaha I like to stay in my bedroom and have all my toys acting as my co-stars and I would act! Drama is my genre and expertise! Hahaha I can cry anytime you want me to! Hahaha 

                           Model? Why not? I wasn't thinking of the money part when you model,I was thinking of the way models walk. They're so awesome! They dress pretty too! 

                          But as I matured, some of my dreams slowly fade. Singing and dancing became my favorite hobby/past time,instead of wanting to become one. Wanting to be a model,doctor and actress just fade cause reality strikes! Hahaha But,an even bigger dream that I want to have,not I want to be! I started dreaming to have a great family of my own. Guess what?! That dream came true about 7 yrs ago! I have a great husband and great kids! No other dreams can beat that! It's pure Blessed and Dream Come True from above! 

                          Lesson to learn: When you dream of something,you want that dream to become a reality but when you don't Pray for those,there's no motivation for it and you started feeling bitter about it. Cause when you Pray for something,it measures how bad you really want that something! Prayers comes with perseverance and motivations. See, I didn't Pray to become a singer,a dancer,an actress,a doctor or a model, but I Prayed that He will bless me with a good man to fulfill my dreams! Now,I sing and dance to my kids,I became an instant doctor to them,even became an instant teacher without the proper classes and training,I became an actress ( I have to act like I mean what I said or it would just get any worse),I became a model,but not the model you see on TV,but a role model to them.God knows what and who you really need. Remember, Faith is all you need! Do your best and God will do the rest! :)

                           

                         

Build Up Your Confidence!

                           Building up your confidence begins when you starts school. Building up your social skills also builds up your confidence! But in my case, I'm half and half! Don't make me stand up in front of everybody and make me talk or explain something,even though I know the subject/topic. Are you familiar with "Butterflies in my stomach?" I think most of us do! Well, that's what I feel everytime I'm in the middle of explaining something to the crowd! I'm different when I'm with a group! Because the attention is not just on me,but to the group.
                            In case of Academics, I don't really stand out well,but hey,I'm not dumb either! Don't challenge me in MATH! Don't do that! Numbers are my worst enemy in my younger years! Hahaha Like I said,my confidence eats me inside including my brain! Because I always think that I'm not confident,it seems like everything follows. When I say I'm not good in this particular thing,I don't try because I'm not confident that I can really do it! I envied those that can do things though as if it was nothing! Those type of people that can do things so easily without trying so hard. Well,not me! I feel like I have to struggle to achieve something. At least,that's what my brain told me. ;)  But those were the days...... Then,here comes Highschool!

                             Highschool days was different! I changed from the "not-so-confident" to "the-friend-of everybody" type of person. My confidence has develop rapidly! Like I became the Class Mayor in my freshmen years. Then Vice-Mayor in my sophomore yrs. Then my HS classmates see my potential as the peacemaker in the class and is not really scared to punch someone in the face if I have to,I was elected as the Sgt. at-arms in my Junior High then I became a member of our School's Program Committee in my Senior HS. I was assigned to pick and organized students in my class that can sing,dance or do some performance whenever there's school programs. And not to mention, I was part of the dance performers in our class! Man,I love to dance and I can dance! You see the confidence now? Huh! Hahaha Our class won the Best Halloween Costume too! (Too bad,I can't remember what HS year that was) TEAMWORK!  I don't remember how many dance performance we had on those HS years. But man! That was fun!

                              College! Oh my! Oh my! The real thing! Your future is in your hands! You do well in college,you graduate,you get a job/career! I was back to "not-so-confident-self" again. College is another world! Your friends in HS aren't there anymore. You all went to different Colleges and Universities. Took up different courses. Well me? I took up Commerce, Majored in Banking and Finance! You say,what?! Yah,BANKING AND FINANCE! Dealing with aloooooooot of NUMBERS! Calculations and all! Not so me,right! Not really my first choice though. Originally,I wanted to take up Tourism! I want to be a traveler! But my dad and big bro,the protective they are,don't want me to go to different universities and be away from home for I don't know how many days/months,depends on how often I want to come home. Well,you know,aside from the fact that we really can't afford to.. Hahaha So,there you go! I ended up taking Commerce!
                               After so long on in my college days,I build up my confidence again and met new friends,new faces. It was fun,but I can say,not as much fun as in HS though ;) Then I became hesitant on some subjects. I became choosy/picky when it comes to who'll be my teacher is. I'm a regular visitor at my Dean's Office (which happens to be my Dad's uncle). Even him,got tired of seeing my face in his office every beginning of each semesters. Hahaha Sorry ;) I always asked him to change my class sched. or move me to a different teacher or whatever! ( I wonder if he told my dad what a mess I was! Probably not coz I never heard anything from my dad about it ) The worse part is, at least 3 or 4 of my teachers are my Dad's friends ,1 of them is his cousin! OMG! I can't handle this! Too much pressure! That's what I don't like! I don't like to be pressured! But FYI: I made good grades though! I think being the fact that they know who my dad is,actually helped to do the best I could.
                               But, along the way,I still have my ups and downs though.. I easily get discouraged,especially when it comes to academic stuff. When I get discouraged, I rest! Yes,rest! As in, I would asked my Dad if I can "rest" for this semester. Meaning,it can delay my schooling cause it's not continuous. Then I started having different group of friends. Starting to develop more of myself too! Then,starting to have good times with friends. And when I get bored, I asked my Dad that I want to go back to school. Then,I will! Then "rest" again.. It was like that in my College days. When I loose confidence towards myself,I get discouraged and even get mad!

                                But looking back at those times, do I have regrets? Yes,but only the schooling part because if I just have the confidence I have now,if I just have that during those times,I probably could have got my Degree! But my confidence eats me up inside that it discouraged me everytime I fail in doing the best I could.


                                 The LESSON? Don't let your failure ruins you. Life is not all about perfection and success! Always remember,before a success,there was a failure. Confidence is your key to be able to do things that you want to do. Have the courage to do things, will give you the confidence that you can do it! You failed once,but you've learned and making sure that you won't failed twice! Courage and Confidence are your armor! Faith is what keeps you moving forward!

A Little Glimpse of My Past!

                        First time blogger here! ;) Why "Welcome To My World"? Actually,it's supposed to be "A Glimpse of My World",but I ended up typing Welcome To My World. Hehehe. It was the first idea that popped in my head. I want the world to see what my world is like. It might inspire some,might upset some,might blessed some,or whatever! The main point is, I can make a difference by sharing what it is like to be in my world or what and how is my world compared to yours? :) 
                         
                        So,let me take you back in 1984! Wow! Talking about waaaaaaaaay back! I know,right? That was my birth year! 
                        I was the 1st granddaughter on my dad's side. Spoiled rotten by my grandma! She have a desire for a daughter but never blessed with one,instead,she was blessed with all 4 boys! Anyway, so, I was born right. Everybody was so excited! Alot of people think that I looked like my mom,but got my skin color from my dad,which is kinda light color skin. (Oh,by the way, did I mention that I'm a Filipina? No? Ok,now you know! Hehehe ) 
                        ( Fast forward ) Elementary! At that age,you already started to learn some new things,new stuff,the age where you asks too many questions at the same time ( I should know! I have my own little ones now ) As a kid, I have always wanted to look like my mom,and not my dad! I know,that's kinda harsh and mean! I can't help it at that time! My mom have this perfect tan/fair complexion,pointed nose (which by the way,most Filipinos envied of ). My mom's so pretty to me and I wanted to look like her (especially the nose part ). You're my friend if you come to our house and the first thing you'll notice and say "Oh,you look just like your mom", but if you say I look like my dad,I won't entertain you to come to my house anymore! That's how I was,as a kid! 
                           As a kid,you won't realize or at least,you haven't learn the virtue of being sensitive. Being sensitive to other people's feelings,including your own dad. I was so focused on wanting to be like my mom,as for looks, and I got to the point where it's almost like, I don't like my dad! I hate it when he teased me that I look more like him! He loves to pick on me and teased me! We even argue at the dining table when that "sensitive" topic comes up. It even got to the point where,my mom and grandma would be mad because me and my dad argue a lot when it comes to the matters of  "I look like my mom,and not my dad". So,obviously,I'm more closer to my mom than my dad. 
                           As I became closer to become a teenager,situation got better. Me and my dad don't argue as much anymore,but I still want to be told that I look like my mom. Hehehe. My dad would even sometimes tutor me on some school stuffs and we get along fine. But he don't like my grandma spoiled me to anything! And,one thing I like about my dad when I was a kid ( By the way,I have an older brother. I'm the youngest ),was that he never laid his hands on us! He never popped us! He let my mom do the disciplinary action part! Hahaha She's so strict! ( At least,to me at that time ) We have our scheduled house chores,scheduled tv time,playtime,bathtime,naptime (which I hate the most) and bedtime! But,there are exceptions when it's weekend :) Both our parents work but my mom still does her job as a mom and wife. She can cook! But she's not much into cleaning! She let our housemaids to that job. But my mom still wants to instill in us that "just because you have housemaids,doesn't mean that you won't learn some simple house chores" Kinda big house to clean though cause we live in this 2 story house,6 BR,2 1/2 bathroom,that my uncle had built for the family to live! 
                          All I can say,we lived a life that I would say, a great one! Family day on weekends. Movies and dine out! I grew up with that kind of life that a family is what matters most! I would say,I had a perfect life! Good parents,we were well taken cared of,always have new clothes,new toys,went to a private school,have housemaids and babysitters....... Until... 
                
                          We have to moved out of the house that my uncle built that we have lived for 13 yrs! My childhood memories I have to leave behind. We moved from one place to another. Don't need to go on details because those have passed,but sometimes I can't help but asked myself "What if they didn't let us move out? Will things could have been different? Or it's just really part of God's plan?" We learned the hard way. My parents used to not worry about house rents. My mom,didn't work anymore. My dad was the only one working in the family. With all the house bills and everything,it hit us hard but my parents still gave us all we need. And then....... the worst part! BROKEN FAMILY :( 
                            It just happened! I don't how it all started but next thing I knew everything fell into small pieces,like a glass smashed on the wall. People were stunned and was disbelief! Some people shake their heads,some people feel pity,some people just plain speechless! I go to school and have this look on people's face. A look that says "I'm sorry for what happened to your family" or a look of  "Poor kid! Used to have everything,but now,it's almost to nothing" That feeling where you don't even know what you're supposed to feel! One thing I know that my grandma taught me. ALWAYS TRUST IN THE LORD! But the ride wasn't so easy! Too many rough roads! Too many struggles! Many tears have shed! Christmas wasn't the same anymore cause it just reminds us of everything! I have wanted to go with my mom,but in that moment where you have to choose who you want to go with, my heart screams for my dad! I love my mom,but my dad needs me! Me and my bro chose to be with our dad. It wasn't sooooooo easy! We have to adjust! Our journey together wasn't so easy! We stumble,we get up! Stumble again and get up again. 
                            One person that I always go to when I needed to talk. My Grandma or we call her "Nanay". She became my confidante,my bff,my listener. My grandma has a big impact of who I become! She taught me how to be forgiving. How to be an open-minded. She taught me how to get up after a big fall! And the usual thing,she always read the bible to me. She's making sure that I don't turn my back on God for everything that's happening in our life. She always calls me by my 1st name and not my nickname. Whenever I talked to her,it seems like all my burdens are gone. None of my family know this,but she's like that to me. And even up to this moment of my life, I still live up to those virtues that she taught me and makes me who and what I am now! 

                            I want to end this long story by sharing it to you some of my grandma's words of healing to me. 
                            "At some point in our life,we encounter some misfortunes and heartaches that none of us thought that it could happen to us. Things that we're not in control. Never blame the person behind you and don't look at the person the same way in front of you. For only God has the right to judge. You may never know the answers to all your "Why's" right now,but later as you move along,you started to get answers. You started to put back the pieces of shattered glasses back together. Always remember, God is in control. Don't hold anger or grudge against someone,it wasn't your job to do so. Let God take care of it. When you're sad,just talk to him. I won't be here forever,but know in your heart,that I will always be with you. Talk to God,like you're talking to me now. He's a friend! A good friend!" 
Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually! 1 Chronicles 16:11, Psalm 105:4