Building up your confidence begins when you starts school. Building up your social skills also builds up your confidence! But in my case, I'm half and half! Don't make me stand up in front of everybody and make me talk or explain something,even though I know the subject/topic. Are you familiar with "Butterflies in my stomach?" I think most of us do! Well, that's what I feel everytime I'm in the middle of explaining something to the crowd! I'm different when I'm with a group! Because the attention is not just on me,but to the group.
In case of Academics, I don't really stand out well,but hey,I'm not dumb either! Don't challenge me in MATH! Don't do that! Numbers are my worst enemy in my younger years! Hahaha Like I said,my confidence eats me inside including my brain! Because I always think that I'm not confident,it seems like everything follows. When I say I'm not good in this particular thing,I don't try because I'm not confident that I can really do it! I envied those that can do things though as if it was nothing! Those type of people that can do things so easily without trying so hard. Well,not me! I feel like I have to struggle to achieve something. At least,that's what my brain told me. ;) But those were the days...... Then,here comes Highschool!
Highschool days was different! I changed from the "not-so-confident" to "the-friend-of everybody" type of person. My confidence has develop rapidly! Like I became the Class Mayor in my freshmen years. Then Vice-Mayor in my sophomore yrs. Then my HS classmates see my potential as the peacemaker in the class and is not really scared to punch someone in the face if I have to,I was elected as the Sgt. at-arms in my Junior High then I became a member of our School's Program Committee in my Senior HS. I was assigned to pick and organized students in my class that can sing,dance or do some performance whenever there's school programs. And not to mention, I was part of the dance performers in our class! Man,I love to dance and I can dance! You see the confidence now? Huh! Hahaha Our class won the Best Halloween Costume too! (Too bad,I can't remember what HS year that was) TEAMWORK! I don't remember how many dance performance we had on those HS years. But man! That was fun!
College! Oh my! Oh my! The real thing! Your future is in your hands! You do well in college,you graduate,you get a job/career! I was back to "not-so-confident-self" again. College is another world! Your friends in HS aren't there anymore. You all went to different Colleges and Universities. Took up different courses. Well me? I took up Commerce, Majored in Banking and Finance! You say,what?! Yah,BANKING AND FINANCE! Dealing with aloooooooot of NUMBERS! Calculations and all! Not so me,right! Not really my first choice though. Originally,I wanted to take up Tourism! I want to be a traveler! But my dad and big bro,the protective they are,don't want me to go to different universities and be away from home for I don't know how many days/months,depends on how often I want to come home. Well,you know,aside from the fact that we really can't afford to.. Hahaha So,there you go! I ended up taking Commerce!
After so long on in my college days,I build up my confidence again and met new friends,new faces. It was fun,but I can say,not as much fun as in HS though ;) Then I became hesitant on some subjects. I became choosy/picky when it comes to who'll be my teacher is. I'm a regular visitor at my Dean's Office (which happens to be my Dad's uncle). Even him,got tired of seeing my face in his office every beginning of each semesters. Hahaha Sorry ;) I always asked him to change my class sched. or move me to a different teacher or whatever! ( I wonder if he told my dad what a mess I was! Probably not coz I never heard anything from my dad about it ) The worse part is, at least 3 or 4 of my teachers are my Dad's friends ,1 of them is his cousin! OMG! I can't handle this! Too much pressure! That's what I don't like! I don't like to be pressured! But FYI: I made good grades though! I think being the fact that they know who my dad is,actually helped to do the best I could.
But, along the way,I still have my ups and downs though.. I easily get discouraged,especially when it comes to academic stuff. When I get discouraged, I rest! Yes,rest! As in, I would asked my Dad if I can "rest" for this semester. Meaning,it can delay my schooling cause it's not continuous. Then I started having different group of friends. Starting to develop more of myself too! Then,starting to have good times with friends. And when I get bored, I asked my Dad that I want to go back to school. Then,I will! Then "rest" again.. It was like that in my College days. When I loose confidence towards myself,I get discouraged and even get mad!
But looking back at those times, do I have regrets? Yes,but only the schooling part because if I just have the confidence I have now,if I just have that during those times,I probably could have got my Degree! But my confidence eats me up inside that it discouraged me everytime I fail in doing the best I could.
The LESSON? Don't let your failure ruins you. Life is not all about perfection and success! Always remember,before a success,there was a failure. Confidence is your key to be able to do things that you want to do. Have the courage to do things, will give you the confidence that you can do it! You failed once,but you've learned and making sure that you won't failed twice! Courage and Confidence are your armor! Faith is what keeps you moving forward!
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